Waterford Crystal spotted on a bender

The disgraced Irish Olympic show jumper, Waterford Crystal, was seen stumbling out of Lillies Bordello at an ungodly hour with eyewitnesses reporting him looking “worse for wear”.

A spokesman for the salubrious Dublin nightspot would neither confirm nor deny reports that Waterford Crystal, a horse, was inebriated, stating simply that, “Waterford Crystal was on the premises on the night of 6th November.”

There have been rumours circulating around the socialite scene that Waterford Crystal’s drug problem is out of control. The horse was discovered with a potent cocktail of banned substances in his system during the Olympics.

A barman working in Lillies on the night in question claimed to have seen Waterford Crystal acting quite strange. “He was all over the shop. Snorting, puffing, pulling faces, kicking out, generally acting out of it. He even did a big shit in the middle of the dance floor. And only Brian O’Driscoll is allowed to do that”.

Waterford Crystal’s owner, Dr. Tony O’Reilly, suggested that this was no more than a regular night of gentle boisterousness, blaming the media for causing a feeding frenzy. “Waterford Crystal is a young horse, and like all young horses, he just wants to go out with his mates and have a good time.” said Mr. O’Reilly.

An even more bizarre story suggested that Paul McGrath emerged from Lillies, naked, Lady Godiva like, atop of Waterford Crystal in the early morning. This was scotched by the man himself; “No way. Absolute nonsense……….It was Eamon Dumphy’s back I was on. And I was coming out of O’Dywers, not Lillies.” The former Republic of Ireland did, however, say it was “an understandable mistake to make, I suppose.”